Mid-Month Raw Update

Honestly I’m not even sure why I say “raw” in the title every time I do one of these updates, because they’re always from the deepest places of my heart.  Maybe just for the sake of new followers or to pull in your attention.  Anyway, I’ll stop the rambling intro here and get into the rambling update.

I’ve been stuck on these verses all month because they’ve been making so. much. sense. I understand why I feel crazy—because people who don’t see, don’t see. People who don’t understand, don’t understand. And I’ve been expecting them to because I do. I’ve been asking God to do a new thing in my life, something unheard of by people, something miraculous. And He has, and I’ve been silly enough to get discouraged that it’s not happening to other people when I literally asked for unheard of things. Of course no one’s gonna get it.

“This is why the Scriptures say: Things never discovered or heard of before, things beyond our ability to imagine— these are the many things God has in store for all his lovers. But God now unveils these profound realities to us by the Spirit. Yes, he has revealed to us his inmost heart and deepest mysteries through the Holy Spirit, who constantly explores all things. After all, who can really see into a person’s heart and know his hidden impulses except for that person’s spirit? So it is with God. His thoughts and secrets are only fully understood by his Spirit, the Spirit of God. For we did not receive the spirit of this world system but the Spirit of God, so that we might come to understand and experience all that grace has lavished upon us. And we articulate these realities with the words imparted to us by the Spirit and not with the words taught by human wisdom. We join together Spirit-revealed truths with Spirit-revealed words. Someone living on an entirely human level rejects the revelations of God’s Spirit, for they make no sense to him. He can’t understand the revelations of the Spirit because they are only discovered by the illumination of the Spirit. Those who live in the Spirit are able to carefully evaluate all things, and they are subject to the scrutiny of no one but God. For Who has ever intimately known the mind of the Lord Yahweh well enough to become his counselor? Christ has, and we possess Christ’s perceptions.”

1 Corinthians 2:9-16 TPT


In doing so, I have found a few people that do understand, as I shared this at a Bible study I attend. And a dear friend that understands but lives far away reached out to me “out of the blue” and we were able to reconnect and discover we feel the exact same way.  Oh, it was so comforting to know I’m not alone!
God is so good, y’all. He answers prayers and brings people who “get it”. What more could I ask for than to hear from God and fellowship with other people?
January 6th was the day of Epiphany, the day when the wisemen who had followed the sign from God—the star—which led them initially not to baby Jesus but to people who hated him and wanted him dead that they had to go to and talk about the manifestation of God that they had not yet seen, January 6th is the day when the star finally led them to where the Christ child was. The day of Epiphany. The day of discovery. I was so expectant for it and WOW did God ever blow my mind.
Wow, wow, wow.
God is in the details. He’s never left me dry. He’s never even left, period. And I’m so beyond confident that He’s never left you either.
This past week was the first week of a three week fast that my family and church family do at the beginning of each year. Since the midnight that began the fast God has been downloading to me, but it’s been a week of learning to discern between what I feel in my emotions and what I sense in my spirit too.  A friend I spoke to this week encouraged me that there’s a difference between heresy and error.  Even if I “mess up” and speak out of turn or out of order or out of my emotions, it’s a mistake.  Because I’m human.  But it’s not going to stop God’s plan in my life and in the lives of those I’m speaking to.  I can repent, press into God and ask for wisdom and discernment, and keep right on going.

I can’t even begin to describe the roller coaster this year has been for me so far. I started it out expectant, got discouraged, got really encouraged, got sucker punched so hard, and  heard of a sweet friend’s passing.   I’ve lost friends I didn’t expect to lose and gained old ones I didn’t expect to regain.

But you know what? Through it all—reconnecting with old friends, being betrayed, used, and violated by a friend I trusted, and having some hard, some odd, and some grace-filled conversations—through it all, my character has grown and my belief in the goodness of God is even stronger. He is so kind. So tender. He tells me secrets, of things no one else knows, and prepares me and my heart for the upcoming trials and joys.
I was taken aback this week as I had a conversation with someone and they said something to the effect of, “Our God is big and wild and able to act in ways that aren’t logical to us.” When they said “our God” it kinda hit me in the face that I share this God with other people.  I mean, it was something I knew, but as my walk with God has grown so personal, I forget that He’s this personal to everyone who seeks Him.  Sometimes I feel like He’s “my” God because He is so near and deep and constant in my life.  It amazes me again to think of Him being this intimate with everyone, and fills me with such hope and joy that He is—that the things which He has done and said in my life, He most certainly can do again in the lives of others.  Especially of those I’m praying for.

My word for 2019 has been “harvest”, and my word at the end of this week is “joy”. Joy for mourning. Beauty for ashes. Hope in brokenness. He is worthy of it all. All of the glory, all of the glory, is His.  It’s a touch of Heaven.

I’m leaving this week heavy, but also heavy with hope. Heavy with the weight of what God is doing. Heavy with the awe that He has gone before me and He is defending my heart.
Breakthrough is coming. Harvest is here, but it is so very hard.
And I’m only now going into week two of this fast.  Only now going into the second half of this month.  Man, it’s gonna be a big year.

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I'm a writer who publishes my thoughts on the life I'm living, literature I'm reading, and God I'm serving. Psalm 27:4 One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.

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