“If I let people love me, they are just going to hurt me.”
“If I can just stay by myself, no one can hurt me.”
“I’ve been hurt too much; I can’t let anyone new get close and love me anymore.”
These thoughts swirled in my mind for way too long.
When somebody who loves me hurts me, it causes way more pain than if someone whom I’ve not gotten close to hurts me.
I was in so much pain that I became disillusioned by the concept of love. Hurt is so different than love, how could one get the two mixed up?
Someone repeatedly told me they loved me but then repeatedly hurt my family and me. I think we have all experienced this at some point. Someone who loves you trips up because they are human and ends up hurting you, whether they mean to or not. That pain can cause confusion, and I want that to be cleared up for anyone who experiences this.
This pain caused by someone who verbally told me they loved me confused me. I had thought that if you say you love me, then you aren’t going to hurt me. So I decided that “I love you” must mean one of two things. Either being told “I love you” doesn’t really mean anything, and is empty, or “I love you” means that person is going to hurt me. Neither of these things were true, but in my attempt to protect myself from pain, I believed them.
I began trying to protect myself by steering clear of intimacy and love. I was in a place where I couldn’t understand God’s love and rest in that, because I was so disillusioned about love in general.
At this point in my life, God sent someone to love me more than I was comfortable with at the time. Slowly, through her persistent love, and verbal “I love you” backed by her actions, God revealed to me the truth about love.
Just because someone in my life who said they loved me caused much pain in my heart, I didn’t need to hide from love. The same applies to you. I think I can honestly say that everyone has experienced pain in a relationship at some point. That pain does not define love. I read this quote that speaks clearly on this topic:
“Everyone says the Love hurts, but that’s not true. Loneliness hurts, rejection hurts, losing someone hurts, envy hurts. We all confuse the things with Love, but in reality Love is the one thing in this world that helps us cover up the pain, sadness, and heartache, to help us feel wonderful again.”
God wants you to be secure in His love. He will never do something to you that is not out of love. He wants you to understand even a sliver of what His love means. Ask Him to show you and then watch for how He personally shows you what true love really is.
Humans are imperfect. We can love to the best of our abilities and still mess up. We must make that distinction when we view God’s love. God is perfect. His love is perfect. He wants you to know His love.
Psalm 136:2-3 “Give thanks to the God of gods, for his steadfast love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords: His love endures forever. To him who alone does great wonders, His love endures forever.”